I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
