It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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