I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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