I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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