yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
