if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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