I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
