I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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