She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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