that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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