3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
