you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
