bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
