Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
