I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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