Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
