i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize