the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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