Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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