I cannot find my penis.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
