i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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