i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
