i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
