so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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