I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
