i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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