in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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