I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize