my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
