it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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