my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize