it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
