listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
