if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
