I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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