u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
