Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
