I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
