it was like his penis was on wheels.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
