I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
