community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
This toilet bowl is my home.
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