would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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