did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He did a backflip because drugs
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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