Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
