a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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