If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm way too hungover for life right now
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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