your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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