Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
