I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
