I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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