I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
