did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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