I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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