so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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