So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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