i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He better not be in your backpack
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize