I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
