Kiss
Puke
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
