AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
