Need sex. Gaining weight.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
