So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Every concussion has its silver lining
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize