census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
