Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
