her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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