The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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