My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
