sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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