Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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