Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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