proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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