just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
