they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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