I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
