Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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