i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
