i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
