i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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