If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
