Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize