I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
