he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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