Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we made out on top of his cat.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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