We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
